A New Hope
- Even the originals had the PowerPoint transitions between scenes.
- Obi Wan: Your father gave this to me. Well, not so much *gave* it, as I picked it up after I cut off his legs, watched him burn, and left him to die. He was a good friend.
- No words in this scene. Just Vader walking into Leia’s cell with his torture device thinking “It’s been way too long…”
- Just confirmed it: HAN SHOT FIRST!
- Be our guest, be our guest, put your planet to the test. Will it blow or will it not when we shoot it with our laser!
- Han & Luke kill Stormtroopers & steal uniforms. WHERE ARE THE MARKS ON THE UNIFORMS FROM THE SHOTS?
- May the force be with you. (And also with you.)
- She’s rich! Rich? Of course she’s rich, Jimmy Smits is her dad!
- Empire Commander: What happened down there?
Han: Had a slight weapons malfunction. (That’s what she said.)
- Head first into the garbage chute. Sure, that sounds like a great idea.
- Stormtroopers: What is this? Maybe it’s a drill. What, do they have a “Prisoners have jumped into the garbage chute & escaped” drill? That’s pretty specific.
- Man, I hope they didn’t install a tracking device in that ship they’re about to steal.
- Han: Get on top of it!
Leia: I’m trying!
(That’s what she said.)
- Stormtroopers: Look! A light saber battle! Let’s walk right past it and *not* shoot the dude our master is fighting!
- Remember: Blasters don’t kill people, Stormtroopers with blasters don’t kill people.
- Luke: I’m SO upset that the guy I just met this morning died (Obi Wan). Now I won’t get any more cool toys!
- Every time I watch the medal ceremony at the end of this movie, I think of that video without music and how awkward it is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tj-GZJhfBmI
The Empire Strikes Back
- Ah, spring in Minnesota. #Hoth
- How will the Abominable Snowman learn his lesson about Christmas now?!
- Luke: Man, this chick is SO cute. I’m totes going for it. There’s no WAY she’s my sister. No way I’ll regret this later.
- Darth Vader is so much shinier in this movie.
- Han & Luke should just kiss & get it over with.
- Pilot: Man, this sucks.
Luke: I know what you mean, dude. A couple years ago, my stupid uncle wouldn’t let me go to the Tosche station to pick up some power converters.
- C3P0: Please! I don’t want to meet my maker! No, seriously. He’s literally in the next room. Like, right there guys.
- Han: Watch this. Leia: Watch what? (That’s what she said.)
- Leia: I hope you know what you’re doing.
Han: Me too.
(That’s what she said.)
- Han: Now, don’t get excited!
Leia: Being held by you is enough to get me excited.
(That’s what she said.)
- Already a better love story than Anakin and Padme.
- Anakin and Padme could have only been worse if they’d been written by Nicholas Sparks.
- Luke: Good thing you don’t taste very good. R2: Hey now, there’s no need to throw insults. I just nearly died.
- Why is Yoda eating poop?
- Yoda went from being one of the most dignified Jedi masters in the universe to eating poop and saying, “LOOK! A flashlight there is! HAHAHA! Looking for Yoda, you are? HAHAHA! Of course I know him. I AM him you idiot!” That’s what 20 years in a swamp does to you.
- C3PO: Saving princesses from space chlamydia since 1980.
- Snakes! Why’d it have to be snakes?
- I feel like every time someone is dumb, we should be allowed to hit them over the head with a stick.
- Yoda: He’s too old to start training.
Since there are so many young padawans lining up, Yoda. Seriously, it’s worse than Disney out there in that swamp.
- There *has* to be a book somewhere out there about these creatures.
Yep, it’s called Dune.
- This isn’t a cave…IT’S A HAND PUPPET!
- OMG DARTH VADER IS IN THE SWAMP! LUKE JUST KILLED HIM! Oh wait…nvm. Yoda just gave Luke some mushrooms.
- There was definitely an unsaid “Bitch!” after Yoda’s infamous quote: Do or do not. There is no try.
- So, if Vader can move rocks, why doesn’t he just push the asteroids out of the way?
- Wait…WAIT! C3PO had an off switch THIS ENTIRE TIME?! Unfortunately, Jar Jar did not.
- Lando trying to be all serious. It’s adorable. *hand signal* Joke’s over.
- Lando to Leia: Hey girl, you got any kids? I got some Colt 45 in the back.
- THE CAVE! YOU’VE FORGOTTEN THE CAVE! That’s not a cave. Wait, do you mean the hand puppet?
- Luke: Do you mean you want me to sacrifice my friends?
Luke: YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! *storms off*
Yoda: Kids these days
- Lando & that creeper pornstache. Should have known he couldn’t be trusted.
- *Chewie looks at C3PO’s head* In a fancy English accent: To be…or not to be. I shall call you…Handles.
- Intergalactic Tuna Transport is the name of my next rock band.
- Total Harry & the Hendersons moment with Chewie before Han gets encased in carbonite. *tear*
- C3PO: So sorry. After all, he’s only a Wookie.
Original line: Thanks for your patience. He’s barely more than a sand person.
- I’ve found that the characters we get most excited about in Star Wars are the ones who never talk.
- LUKE JUST POKE VADER IN THE EYE WITH YOUR LIGHT SABER. (That’s what she said.)
- Vader: Only your anger can destroy me! *trips into a hole*
- C3PO complaining about some hairy beast while being dragged away by R2D2 is how I ended every party in college.
- Luke’s “NOOOO” moment > Vader’s “NOOOO” moment.
- *Leia sees Luke hanging off Empire ship* Leia: Man, this is the worst Cirque du Soleil tour ever.
- Luke: I’m going to need years of space therapy after this.
- Chewie: I better at least get a pair of pants out of this. Frost bite after Hoth was brutal.
- I bet that everyone sitting in theaters when this movie ended was like…WTF SERIOUSLY?!
Return of the Jedi
- I’m waiting for all these Stormtroopers to break out into dance & sing “It’s a Hard Knock Life.”
- Jaba’s cave is eerily similar to Fraggle Rock.
- Work your cares away.
Dancing’s for another day.
Chained up as a slave.
Down in Jaba’s cave.
- Jaba’s totally “that guy” that got kicked out of Fraggle Rock for being a delinquent.
- Seriously, though, if you’re going to set up shop, why not do it in a place that only has a 30 minute work week?
- Han: Who is that?
Voice: Someone who loves you.
Han: Chewie thank God! You shaved! And finally got some pants! And is that strawberry lip gloss?
- Luke: Damn, girl, is that outfit new? *thinks I got this* *no way for this to backfire*
- Rancor: I did have a huge lunch today. Ate 3 slaves. But I could eat again. Might be bloated later, though.
- The caretaker sobbing over the rancor dying has more powerful emotion in him than Anakin in all 3 prequels combined.
- I feel like C3PO & R2D2 may be a bit codependent. Bert & Ernie much?
- Luke escaping Jaba’s 2nd monster: 8.2 on the dismount.
- The way Boba Fett goes out is still painful. What a disservice.
- Dance your cares away.
Worry’s for another day.
Wrap that chain away.
Blow up Jaba’s hut.
- Jaba’s hut blowing up > first Death Star blowing up.
- Luke: Is Vader *really* my father? Yoda: Nope! J/K Just what’s left of him. Your dad is a hand, a torso, & a face with 6th degree burns.
- Wait, what was that Yoda? Did you say…Rosebud? Annnddd…Yoda is raptured.
- Obi Wan: Darth Vader is more machine than man. THEN WHAT ABOUT R2D2 & C3PO?! CAN THEY NOT BE GOOD OBI WAN? You’re the worst.
- Luke: I can’t kill my own father. Obi Wan: Ehhhhhhh….
- Luke: Leia is my sister!
Obi Wan: Bury your feelings deep, Luke. The fact you think she’s hot is super awkward. This isn’t Game of Thrones.
- Chewie: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FLY CASUAL WHEN I’M ONLY WEARING A BANDOLIER? What does a guy have to do around here to get some pants?!
- Lando: I know you all have ponchos. But seriously, I don’t need one. If you haven’t noticed, I wear all my clothes around my shoulders, not over my head.
- You have passed the speeding checkpoint. *wee-ooo* *wee-ooo* Stormtroopers: Aw, crap. This is my third ticket this week!
- FINALLY MY PEOPLE! THE EWOKS HAVE ARRIVED!
- Han: Hey! Point that thing some place else. (That’s what she said.)
- I identify with the Ewoks because shiny things also excite me.
- The fact the Ewoks immediately identify Han, Luke, & Chewie as a meal fit for a God tells me this isn’t the 1st time they’ve done this.
- Whoooaa here they come.
Watch out boys, they’ll chew you up!
Whoooaa here they come.
No literally. Ewoks are literally maneaters.
- Han: What’s wrong?
Leia: I have to make sure you’re not my brother. You have very similar hair. It’s confusing.
- Vader: I see you’ve constructed a new light saber. Have you killed children with it?
- Vader: The Emperor is your master now. Your safe word is Aldaraan.
- Emperor: You are mistaken about a great many things. Like thinking your sister is hot.
Luke: I will never live that one down.
- Emperor: It is your destiny. You, like your father, are now…whiny.
Luke: But my uncle wouldn’t let me go to the Tosche station to pick up power converters!
- This movie has now turned into Home Alone: Ewok Edition.
- Vader: You can’t destroy me! *trips down stairs*
- Vader: Your feelings are still strong for…sister. Really, Luke? Growing up without a father really messed you up, huh?
- Vader looks back and forth for 20 minutes before killing the Emperor. Seriously, make a decision. We don’t have all day.
- Luke removes Vader’s mask to find…B. Arthur!
- Leia: No, Luke is my brother. Now let’s make out. Han’s face: Sure, I always want to make out when I think about my brother.
- Even as a kid, I thought those fireworks were disappointing.
- Ewoks spit roasting Stormtroopers is the best way to end this movie.