100 Thoughts I Had While Binge Watching the Original Star Wars Trilogy

A New Hope

  1. Even the originals had the PowerPoint transitions between scenes.
  2. Obi Wan: Your father gave this to me. Well, not so much *gave* it, as I picked it up after I cut off his legs, watched him burn, and left him to die. He was a good friend.
  3. No words in this scene. Just Vader walking into Leia’s cell with his torture device thinking “It’s been way too long…”
  4. Just confirmed it: HAN SHOT FIRST!
  5. Be our guest, be our guest, put your planet to the test. Will it blow or will it not when we shoot it with our laser!
  6. Han & Luke kill Stormtroopers & steal uniforms. WHERE ARE THE MARKS ON THE UNIFORMS FROM THE SHOTS?
  7. May the force be with you. (And also with you.)
  8. She’s rich! Rich? Of course she’s rich, Jimmy Smits is her dad!
  9. Empire Commander: What happened down there?
    Han: Had a slight weapons malfunction. (That’s what she said.)
  10. Head first into the garbage chute. Sure, that sounds like a great idea.
  11. Stormtroopers: What is this? Maybe it’s a drill. What, do they have a “Prisoners have jumped into the garbage chute & escaped” drill? That’s pretty specific.
  12. Man, I hope they didn’t install a tracking device in that ship they’re about to steal.
  13. Han: Get on top of it!
    Leia: I’m trying!
    (That’s what she said.) 
  14. Stormtroopers: Look! A light saber battle! Let’s walk right past it and *not* shoot the dude our master is fighting!
  15. Remember: Blasters don’t kill people, Stormtroopers with blasters don’t kill people.
  16. Luke: I’m SO upset that the guy I just met this morning died (Obi Wan). Now I won’t get any more cool toys!
  17. Every time I watch the medal ceremony at the end of this movie, I think of that video without music and how awkward it is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tj-GZJhfBmI

The Empire Strikes Back

  1. Ah, spring in Minnesota. ‪#‎Hoth‬
  2. How will the Abominable Snowman learn his lesson about Christmas now?!
  3. Luke: Man, this chick is SO cute. I’m totes going for it. There’s no WAY she’s my sister. No way I’ll regret this later.
  4. Darth Vader is so much shinier in this movie.
  5. Han & Luke should just kiss & get it over with.
  6. Pilot: Man, this sucks.
    Luke: I know what you mean, dude. A couple years ago, my stupid uncle wouldn’t let me go to the Tosche station to pick up some power converters.
  7. C3P0: Please! I don’t want to meet my maker! No, seriously. He’s literally in the next room. Like, right there guys.
  8. Han: Watch this. Leia: Watch what? (That’s what she said.)
  9. Leia: I hope you know what you’re doing.
    Han: Me too.
    (That’s what she said.)
  10. Han: Now, don’t get excited!
    Leia: Being held by you is enough to get me excited.
    (That’s what she said.)
  11. Already a better love story than Anakin and Padme.
  12. Anakin and Padme could have only been worse if they’d been written by Nicholas Sparks.
  13. Luke: Good thing you don’t taste very good. R2: Hey now, there’s no need to throw insults. I just nearly died.
  14. Why is Yoda eating poop?
  15. Yoda went from being one of the most dignified Jedi masters in the universe to eating poop and saying, “LOOK! A flashlight there is! HAHAHA! Looking for Yoda, you are? HAHAHA! Of course I know him. I AM him you idiot!” That’s what 20 years in a swamp does to you.
  16. C3PO: Saving princesses from space chlamydia since 1980.
  17. Snakes! Why’d it have to be snakes?
  18. I feel like every time someone is dumb, we should be allowed to hit them over the head with a stick.
  19. Yoda: He’s too old to start training.
    Since there are so many young padawans lining up, Yoda. Seriously, it’s worse than Disney out there in that swamp.
  20. There *has* to be a book somewhere out there about these creatures.
    Yep, it’s called Dune.
  21. This isn’t a cave…IT’S A HAND PUPPET!
  22. OMG DARTH VADER IS IN THE SWAMP! LUKE JUST KILLED HIM! Oh wait…nvm. Yoda just gave Luke some mushrooms.
  23. There was definitely an unsaid “Bitch!” after Yoda’s infamous quote: Do or do not. There is no try.
  24. So, if Vader can move rocks, why doesn’t he just push the asteroids out of the way?
  25. Wait…WAIT! C3PO had an off switch THIS ENTIRE TIME?! Unfortunately, Jar Jar did not.
  26. Lando trying to be all serious. It’s adorable. *hand signal* Joke’s over.
  27. Lando to Leia: Hey girl, you got any kids? I got some Colt 45 in the back.
  28. THE CAVE! YOU’VE FORGOTTEN THE CAVE! That’s not a cave. Wait, do you mean the hand puppet?
  29. Luke: Do you mean you want me to sacrifice my friends?
    Yoda: Basically.
    Luke: YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! *storms off*
    Yoda: Kids these days
  30. Lando & that creeper pornstache. Should have known he couldn’t be trusted.
  31. *Chewie looks at C3PO’s head* In a fancy English accent: To be…or not to be. I shall call you…Handles.
  32. Intergalactic Tuna Transport is the name of my next rock band.
  33. Total Harry & the Hendersons moment with Chewie before Han gets encased in carbonite. *tear*
  34. C3PO: So sorry. After all, he’s only a Wookie.
    Original line: Thanks for your patience. He’s barely more than a sand person.
  35. I’ve found that the characters we get most excited about in Star Wars are the ones who never talk.
  37. Vader: Only your anger can destroy me! *trips into a hole*
  38. C3PO  complaining about some hairy beast while being dragged away by R2D2 is how I ended every party in college.
  39. Luke’s “NOOOO” moment > Vader’s “NOOOO” moment.
  40. *Leia sees Luke hanging off Empire ship* Leia: Man, this is the worst Cirque du Soleil tour ever.
  41. Luke: I’m going to need years of space therapy after this.
  42. Chewie: I better at least get a pair of pants out of this. Frost bite after Hoth was brutal.
  43. I bet that everyone sitting in theaters when this movie ended was like…WTF SERIOUSLY?!

Return of the Jedi

  1. I’m waiting for all these Stormtroopers to break out into dance & sing “It’s a Hard Knock Life.”
  2. Jaba’s cave is eerily similar to Fraggle Rock.
  3. Work your cares away.
    Dancing’s for another day.
    Chained up as a slave.
    Down in Jaba’s cave.
  4. Jaba’s totally “that guy” that got kicked out of Fraggle Rock for being a delinquent.
  5. Seriously, though, if you’re going to set up shop, why not do it in a place that only has a 30 minute work week?
  6. Han: Who is that?
    Voice: Someone who loves you.
    Han: Chewie thank God! You shaved! And finally got some pants! And is that strawberry lip gloss?
  7. Luke: Damn, girl, is that outfit new? *thinks I got this* *no way for this to backfire*
  8. Rancor: I did have a huge lunch today. Ate 3 slaves. But I could eat again. Might be bloated later, though.
  9. The caretaker sobbing over the rancor dying has more powerful emotion in him than Anakin in all 3 prequels combined.
  10. I feel like C3PO & R2D2 may be a bit codependent. Bert & Ernie much?
  11. Luke escaping Jaba’s 2nd monster: 8.2 on the dismount.
  12. The way Boba Fett goes out is still painful. What a disservice.
  13. Dance your cares away.
    Worry’s for another day.
    Wrap that chain away.
    Blow up Jaba’s hut.
  14. Jaba’s hut blowing up > first Death Star blowing up.
  15. Luke: Is Vader *really* my father? Yoda: Nope! J/K Just what’s left of him. Your dad is a hand, a torso, & a face with 6th degree burns.
  16. Wait, what was that Yoda? Did you say…Rosebud? Annnddd…Yoda is raptured.
  17. Obi Wan: Darth Vader is more machine than man. THEN WHAT ABOUT R2D2 & C3PO?! CAN THEY NOT BE GOOD OBI WAN? You’re the worst.
  18. Luke: I can’t kill my own father. Obi Wan: Ehhhhhhh….
  19. Luke: Leia is my sister!
    Obi Wan: Bury your feelings deep, Luke. The fact you think she’s hot is super awkward. This isn’t Game of Thrones.
  20. Chewie: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FLY CASUAL WHEN I’M ONLY WEARING A BANDOLIER? What does a guy have to do around here to get some pants?!
  21. Lando: I know you all have ponchos. But seriously, I don’t need one. If you haven’t noticed, I wear all my clothes around my shoulders, not over my head.
  22. You have passed the speeding checkpoint. *wee-ooo* *wee-ooo* Stormtroopers: Aw, crap. This is my third ticket this week!
  24. Han: Hey! Point that thing some place else. (That’s what she said.)
  25. I identify with the Ewoks because shiny things also excite me.
  26. The fact the Ewoks immediately identify Han, Luke, & Chewie as a meal fit for a God tells me this isn’t the 1st time they’ve done this.
  27. Whoooaa here they come.
    Watch out boys, they’ll chew you up!
    Whoooaa here they come.
    They’re maneaters!
    No literally. Ewoks are literally maneaters.
  28. Han: What’s wrong?
    Leia: I have to make sure you’re not my brother. You have very similar hair. It’s confusing.
  29. Vader: I see you’ve constructed a new light saber. Have you killed children with it?
  30. Vader: The Emperor is your master now. Your safe word is Aldaraan.
  31. Emperor: You are mistaken about a great many things. Like thinking your sister is hot.
    Luke: I will never live that one down.
  32. Emperor: It is your destiny. You, like your father, are now…whiny.
    Luke: But my uncle wouldn’t let me go to the Tosche station to pick up power converters!
  33. This movie has now turned into Home Alone: Ewok Edition.
  34. Vader: You can’t destroy me! *trips down stairs*
  35. Vader: Your feelings are still strong for…sister. Really, Luke? Growing up without a father really messed you up, huh?
  36. Vader looks back and forth for 20 minutes before killing the Emperor. Seriously, make a decision. We don’t have all day.
  37. Luke removes Vader’s mask to find…B. Arthur!
  38. Leia: No, Luke is my brother. Now let’s make out. Han’s face: Sure, I always want to make out when I think about my brother.
  39. Even as a kid, I thought those fireworks were disappointing.
  40. Ewoks spit roasting Stormtroopers is the best way to end this movie.